Today is a very big day, a very big mark in my life's calender...
I had my last, final exam ever ... then ... i stepped out of the exam hall, with all those extremely conflicting feelings !!!
i was walking towards the exit gate, having flash backs of almost every day i lived for the past 4 years ...this corner, that pergola, those stairs, that garden ...
it feels like yesterday i was in my very first day to collage, getting all dressed up and carrying my notebook in my hand, feeling happy to be a grown up collage girl ... using my own ID for the very first time to pass through the entrance gate, taking the first step into that place where i will belong to for the next 4 years of my life... smiling to every human being around, trying to make friends... getting lost and getting help from a senior student to help me find my classroom, opening my brand new pen, and my brand new notebook, with a smile full of hope and energyyy, in my very first lecture ... searching for the prayer room, and praying there for the very first time, feeling that it was the safest place to go ... learning how to open my outlook mail, how to get my lectures from the intranet, how to use the USB flash memory for the first time !
being very nervous to have my first quiz ever, studying so hard for it and feeling like it was a final exam ... standing in front of an audience for my very first presentation ... facing stage fright and trying to look calm while my heart beats were faster than the beat of a metal song !
my first midterm exams, the best results i ever got in midterms ... lol opening the transcript for the first time to see an " A" , and running around the house in happinesss, feeling very glad that i made my parents proud ... my parents celebrating my very first " A" with me, making me feel like i was the Queen of the universe... rewarding me for my performance and getting me my very first laptop !
it seems like yesterday, i was this little girl, who is trying to be a lady ... and now, and suddenly, i am that all grown up WOMAN!
Today, i was again using my own ID, but this time, at the exit gate... looking behind with tears, this time i was leaving and not coming back !
my years here are over, i finished my share at that place, and now i have to walk forward and leave that place behind ...
i passed through the gate, and i started to terribly shiver walking away, having no idea about where i am going !!!
i am walking into Darknesss, can't see anything beneath !!!
i was walking towards my car ...leaving collage behind ... when it all hit me !
WHERE AM I GOING NOW ???
this question, truly hit me in the head like a rock !
The fact is: i feel scared ... very scared !
Unfortunately, too scared to be able to enjoy or celebrate the Big day !
